But we were friends first so that is why it has always been easy to talk to him about certain things. Although we are no longer "friends" , we have remained close friends, and talk all the time. Which can be shocking to most people. Things have been great for me when it comes to other guys, which I talk about with him, not weird at all. I mean I had just basically moved on. I was done waiting for whatever it was that I was waiting for from him to give to me.
Until last summer, when I lost contact with him for a few months, did I notice something different. I mean he was kinder, more mature, wanted to hang out just more of the kind of person I saw myself being friends with for a very long time. We actually hung out which we never really did before which was also fun to do. Okay here is where it becomes very funny. I have always been a sabotager when it comes to guys….…I read a while ago that it was because of fear of commitment. Maybe, not really sure.
He has been trying to hang out with me for a very long time, a few months now. Something that years ago I would've jumped at in a heart beat. But now it's like I have so many other things going on, or I don't feel up to it financially. I come up with excuse after excuse, Its like the roles have reversed. I am now the flake. Which a part of me does on purpose, but not to hurt him more to make myself feel in control. So today(last week) I asked finally for us to hang out, and his response was "I don't know.
It's really up in the air" I just responded "okay cool just let me know if you can or not". Then I let it go. Then I began to think. Is he paying me back for the times I flaked on him? What the Heck is up in the air? And is it on purpose as well? Miscommunication is the worse ingredient to all friendships not just this one. I have lost a lot a good girlfriends/male friends do to miscommunication; I basically stopped the communicating. My issue is should I take this as a sign of he is just not that into me anymore because I flaked too many times and it's just too late. Or should I just wait it out and see what happens.
I enjoy this friendship that we have the way it is. Do I want more? I don't know, I guess if it was the time then maybe. But right now is def not the time and I am in no rush either. Sometimes we just assume that people are mind readers and they should just know how we feel about them but that isn't true life. You have to actually spell things out for guys because it goes right over them almost always….lol. I just wish I could express my feelings to people esp. guys, a lot better than I do now. After my career vision board is done, I should def make a "relationship vision board" which basically outlines the kind of guy I want in my next relationship. We shall see how that goes, but I'll keep you posted. Thanks for reading
With Love,
Pynkstarr
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