Growing Through Life: Part 1

Hi, guys long time no chat. I would like to start off my apologizing for not being as consistent as I should be. Instead just saying an excuse of why cannot blog I'll just apologize. Since being in school these last few months I've noticed my life beginning to change. For every great thing, there has been a not so great thing. I believe in speaking things into existence, both positive and negative. Most of my life I've been in and out of becoming one with my real true self. And since being in school I've lost myself again. Not being happy, being angry, extreme negative thinking. This has stopped for a long time. Like I was doing well by doing many exercises such as praying more, I tried doing more activities that make me feel like my creative juices are flowing. I used to paint, design clothes, sketch, I absolutely have always loved cutting things out of magazines and pasting them. It is so refreshing doing the layouts of things. Making vision boards has always been fun to do as well.

Blogtober Day 7--Im almost 30...

God has an amazing way of telling me things. As most of you know I've been without any employment for 3 years now. I've applied to hundreds of jobs and only one interview. At least 4 times I missed a call/email for a potential job because of lack of phone service and internet service.
I still apply to jobs here and there but probably not as much as most people who are unemployed. Here is the reason. I can't settle. I know you are probably like well anything is better than nothing right? Although true for most, but from past experiences this is not the case for me. I've been hospitalized because of medical things that happened to me because I had that mentality. I hated my job so much because I began settling that it began to make me sick. Very sick. Depressed, ill, migraines, anxiety attacks... you name it. But I was making money, which is better than being broke right? Gotta pay those bills...gotta buy those clothes, gotta keep up with the joneses right? And because of these things I've always felt like i made a mistake. Although nothing is truly a mistake with my life. I've made choices I regret, but they were never mistakes.

Since I was younger I knew I was supposed to start my own business. I've always known this. But some how along the way it's like I forgot. And when I did remember i made an excuse as to why I couldn't do this or that. Meanwhile I was getting older and began to feel like I haven't accomplished much like most people my age. I don't have a driver's license, no car, never owned anything major like property, don't have my BA yet which delays my MA which delays my Phd...plus I'm almost 30.

I've been trying since 2010 to start a business....notice I say a business because I've tried many things and when the slightest setback occurs I'd give up. Between not having money to survive, and other life issues I put that dream a way. And now 3 years later I've picked it up again. All of them. Why not right? I regret giving up so easy but now im back to work. After reading #xonecole of necolebitchie.com she inspired me even more that (a) God was listening when I told him I was too old to start a business (b) everything comes in do timing, we just have to be patient.

You're never too old to do your thang!! Please remember this!

Thanks for reading,
Pynkstarr

Keeping the faith

Keeping your faith can hard at times. So I wrote a blog to help in anyway I can.

Read it here.
Thank you so much for reading

With Love,

Pynkstarr

I rely on God and no one else.

God is good. I just would like to say that because without Him I would not have all the love that I have. With that being said, I have been lacking inspiration and energy. There could be a number of reasons for this. I am soo used to having the money, funds to just go out and buy essentials of life. Now that I have no money coming in what so ever, I find it very hard to, I guess you can say function. Some days are great days, some days are like I won't get out of bed for hours. A few years ago when I was about 16 and 17, I wasn't in HS anymore because I had to drop out, my dad had lost hos job. We had not many things. I mean times were bad then, but I wasn't in the place then that I am now. I have more trust in God now then I did when I was younger.

I never really was the religious person that most of my friends were. I went to Catholic school all of my life and was basically told by many teachers and students that God didn't know who I  was because I had no religion. And that when I died I would go to some place called the Limbo. No matter what I did who cared because God was not watching me anyway. So for years I lived my life this way. Then in 2007-2008 I met these girls who went to church every Sunday, then were not religious but they would talk about God all the time. I just stayed away from that topic because it just wasn't who I was back then. So one day I said hey I want to go to church on New Year's with you guys. And I must say that the Pastor was speaking to me. I had never even met him, but it was like God heard me some how and told him to speak to me. Since then my life has been a roller coaster. I no longer go to that church, no longer friends with those girls, I was able to get jobs and graduate from college. Happy one min and then not happy. A lot has happened to me since then, but never felt as low as I do now. I think a lot of it had to do with always having something.

When I quit my first job my dad paid my bills until I found a job. When I stopped working again to start college, I had something going for me. I just always had something going for me, or people to help me. I mean I never relied on God, just people, for all of my life. That was how I worked. Now that I have no job, not in the place I want to be at 24 years old, living situation not so good, I mean wayyyyy worse I feel then before. But I am saying God is good, because now I see where I lacked before. Relying on God is the only way to go for me. When I relied on people it worked for a little while but not forever. God is forever. And since I have been relying on Him, esp in the last year or so, things have been awesome. I mean some people may look at my situation and think damn I feel bad for her, but I say don't feel bad for me. Because of this situation I am in right now, if it wasn't for it, I would still be moving and on the go depending on people. I am extremely blessed to have come to this realization now rather than later. I prayed to be closer to Him, and now I am.

Now although I do rely on God, I still get a little bit in a funk about a lot of things. I really want to write posts and make videos, but some days I really can't because I am not completely there yet in my life to be all happy go lucky. Am I having a pitty party? YES!! Am I a little upset about somethings? Absolutely!! I just don't want to make a video that is forced. Or write a post that isn't how I feel. I tried that for a while and didn't help me at all. I just need to now work on somethings before I can be that extremely gitty person from before. I promise to come back better than ever. Just pray for me. Thank you for reading.

With Love,

Pynkstarr

My old mindset

This blog post should become titled as “personal diary entry #1”, because it’s definitely a look into my life at the moment. I consider myself to be pretty open with my readers and watchers, but there are some things I kind of feel are wayyy too embarrassing to express to people.

My curly Inspiration: Cree Summers, Solange, Yaya, Bree, Rachel,Tracee