Thursday, April 11, 2013

Dear...19 year old self

I was watching a video by Tarenguy or Taren916 on Youtube, the other day the series was called "A Women's Perspective [dating]. One of the questions it was asked what would you tell your younger self well I started to thinking really hard and boy are there so many things I'd like to say to my younger self. I mean I am still young I guess (25) and I still make mistakes in dating but I have way more wisdom than I was say when I was 18 or 19.



Mainly my issue was letting go of who I truly was for men, or boys. Anytime I felt like there was an issue with a guy and I figured it was me, I changed. Or I felt like it was my fault for his actions towards me. I did things, said things to make sure that the guy still liked me or was still into me. Even if that's not how I felt at the time or knew it was the wrong thing to do or say I did it anyway. I mean I am very lucky I started dating pretty late, like 18 or 19 yrs. old because I wouldn't have been able to deal with that stuff as a teen. Dating made me forget my goals, made me lose all of me. I never saw the bigger picture because I was young and so naive. All I focused on was the now, and like I said I let people take advantage of me.

I wish I could go back and tell my 19 year old self not to let a man steal your soul. I'm not blaming the guys I went out with because I let them do the things to me that hurt, but I wish I had someone to tell me what wasn't smart to say or do. Never really had any real female friends after HS so I couldn't talk to them, and the few females I thought were my friends did nothing but make me feel bad for whatever my problems were with these guys so I kept everything to myself. Til this day I don't associate with females except for my family and people I've known for years. I like it better this way because women are too dramatic and I always feel they have a hidden agenda when it comes to relationship advice.

Another thing I'd tell my younger self is to not let everyone in on what you are doing all the time. For some reason I felt obligated to tell people everything about my relationships, to either my gfs or my family. Who I was dating, who I liked, why I liked him, he upset me because yada yada yada, I just had to tell them how I felt all the time and ask them for advice. Now I know how to figure everything out on my own. I know that I don't need to ask people for advice because it is a waste of time, seeing as how we are going to do what we want to do anyway. Plus what can someone tell you that a little bit of common sense can't do.

I used to not know my worth back then, I thought it was okay for guys to not make any commitment to me at all. I thought it was cool if we just kicked it at his house and never went on real dates. To me it was fine because if we weren't really BF and GF then it didn't matter if we went out or not. We were just "kicking it". Well, I know now that you are never really  just kicking it with any dude when we are doing BF and GF type things all day everyday. Now I know if you want the girlfriend experience then he has to be ready to establish what we doing first. No more hanging out all day everyday, cooking for each other, boo-macking on the phone etc to then later see that we are going to be "kicking it" forever.

So many things that people do will just never change because that is just who they are. We can only change ourselves. You gotta look within yourself first before you start calling him or her your BF or GF. How are you going to be in a commitment when you aren't even sure who you are as a person or where you are going in life. I'm not saying that you need to have it 100% figured out all the time, but you at least have to have some type of a clue. Don't nobody want to be with no man or woman who don't know which way is up. Sorry for the ebonics, but you all know what I mean. Not saying that I have it 100% figured out either but I am a lot closer than people half my age. I have learned a lot about what I need and what I want, or what I think I want. Feeling something and actually having it isn't the same thing. You may feel that you are supposed to be with someone, but in reality you aren't. Or I've always said if God doesn't want this person in my life then he will eventually take them out. Trust me, you will be waiting for ever if you wait solely on God to do all the work. You have to do somethings too, but prayer def works.

Gosh I really want to touch more on this topic in another forum….maybe someday soon ;)

Hope you enjoyed,
Pynkstarr

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