Have you ever awaken to the feeling that maybe you aren't doing what you were to be doing, or thought you were meant to be doing? Well, I wake up like this all the time. They always say tell God your plans and he will laugh. This statement is probably the most truest things I've ever heard. Nothing I thought was in my plans has come true, every goal I have set, plans I've ever made. Not to say they don't eventually come true in some way, I mean they do but just not in the timing I'd like them too.
When I was all set to go to college back when I was a teen, I had it all figured out what schools I had in my top 3. My number one choice was the college I eventually graduated from. At the time it was too far away and I knew I couldn't afford to travel there daily, nor could I afford housing. After I gave up that plan and settled for a community college, I set another goal which was to put my fashion career on hold and become an actress. My major at the time was communications, which was the closest thing to being on TV as I would get at the moment. Before this I should also mention I went to a few acting agencies here and there to see how the whole acting world worked. See my main plan was to go to college for 2 years, get a job and take some acting classes, become famous and start a clothing line. I know far fetched but what can I say except I like to make my plans 5-10 years in advance. This was all when I was 17 so I knew I had to act soon before my acting career would go away due to me being to old; Hollywood can be brutal. Anywhoo, after going to college for a few courses I realized it would take more than I thought to take acting classes, in which I was forced to stop going to college because of family issues. I needed as much money as possible to get by, leaving my goals of becoming an actress/fashion designer in the dust. I felt like yet again my life plans were just unfolding by the minute, but I needed to survive, I needed to support my family. So that was my purpose at that moment, I just didn't know it then. See when you are young, you think you are smarter than everybody, bigger than everybody, and you think you can do anything. But God showed me that isn't the case all the time. So I gave up on my plans and just worked hard to make money to support my family. All while making so many dumb decisions at that age, but that is a whole 'nother blog post.
After dropping out of community college so I could make more money, I found out that my real number 1 college choice was opening up a location locally. I felt an "are you kidding me" moment right then and there. I mean I wasn't sad or happy, I was making money and had no intentions what so ever of going back to school. I felt like my goals were now to make money. It wasn't until I'd tell people my real goals of working in the fashion industry that I'd get that urge to go back to school. Most people would just say I was young so I had time, while others would say you gotta do what you gotta do now while you still can. My two best friends at the time encouraged me to go back to school like them, to at least try. So I used the money that I didn't really have to spare to pay for the application and was accepted into my number 1 choice! I couldn't believe it all my dreams were actually coming true, my friends were going to be doing their thing and so was I. Until the financial aid counselors told me I had $5,000.00 balance that was due in 3 weeks of starting classes. I couldn't believe it. Everyone was living out their goals, and here I was yet again getting stopped by what I thought at the time was God's fault. I know I know, but like I said I was young at the time and didn't know any better; had to blame somebody. So I gave up, eventually quit my job, was depressed and broke for about 3 weeks, then found another job. It was in retail so I assumed that was as far as I would go in the fashion industry without any degree. I felt stuck, like God had given up on me, like I was just meant to be a nobody. After working at this place for 2 weeks, I hated it. LOL. I mean really hated it, retail was just not for me and I refused to live my life like this. Being unhappy and feeling stuck was no way for any one to be no matter what. I had to go to college and get a degree so I wouldn't end up there forever. But how could I do that all by myself, never really had anyone to push me into doing stuff as far as school was concerned. So I prayed for God to send me a sign. And the next day I went to a job fair looking for a new path in life and who is there with a booth, my first choice for college. I was so surprised!! God had answered my prayers. I got kind of excited, but then I realized my track record sucked so far. Everything I'd ever gone after somehow didn't turn in my favor, so I just said lets see what will happen if I give this whole faith thing a try. I did and never looked back. I eventually graduated from that college. And in the industry I used to think I was meant to be in before the awful experience I had "see my post on working in the fashion industry". I felt like okay I did what I was supposed to do now what. I went to college, graduated, found a job I hated, now what.
I did what I thought I was supposed to do at the time but the older I get the more I realize everything that you think is supposed to happen, is the total opposite of what will actually happen. Yes, I eventually went back to college and graduated, but I haven't had a job since I graduated. And yes I am blessed to not be stuck in a situation where I am depressed and unhappy to go to work everyday, but I'd like to be doing something that will give me some feel of accomplishment in the fashion industry. Just that at this point in time I have learned to follow the Leader, whether I feel like I am going anywhere or not, God has my back. And I will continue to do His goals He sets for me, not what I think I should be doing.
Some of you may find it confusing, not knowing how to know what God's purpose is for you. You may even be lost right now, or feel stuck in a place that you can't get out of. Well I have to tell you, it will not always be that way. You will not always suffer! Nor will your real goals disappear. You just have to take a quiet moment in your day and just listen. Listen to what God is saying to you. Listen to what your gut is saying to you. We all have to do things that we feel like aren't worth it, but it will only bring us closer to what our true destiny is. If you aren't sure what your destiny is, then ask, it'll be answered! Seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened. But if you don't at least try to listen and continue to wallow in your unhappy state, then that's what you will be forever. Unhappy! And "ain't nobody go time for that" lol.
Thank you for reading,