Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I rely on God and no one else.


God is good. I just would like to say that because without Him I would not have all the love that I have. With that being said, I have been lacking inspiration and energy. There could be a number of reasons for this. I am soo used to having the money, funds to just go out and buy essentials of life. Now that I have no money coming in what so ever, I find it very hard to, I guess you can say function. Some days are great days, some days are like I won't get out of bed for hours. A few years ago when I was about 16 and 17, I wasn't in HS anymore because I had to drop out, my dad had lost hos job. We had not many things. I mean times were bad then, but I wasn't in the place then that I am now. I have more trust in God now then I did when I was younger.

I never really was the religious person that most of my friends were. I went to Catholic school all of my life and was basically told by many teachers and students that God didn't know who I  was because I had no religion. And that when I died I would go to some place called the Limbo. No matter what I did who cared because God was not watching me anyway. So for years I lived my life this way. Then in 2007-2008 I met these girls who went to church every Sunday, then were not religious but they would talk about God all the time. I just stayed away from that topic because it just wasn't who I was back then. So one day I said hey I want to go to church on New Year's with you guys. And I must say that the Pastor was speaking to me. I had never even met him, but it was like God heard me some how and told him to speak to me. Since then my life has been a roller coaster. I no longer go to that church, no longer friends with those girls, I was able to get jobs and graduate from college. Happy one min and then not happy. A lot has happened to me since then, but never felt as low as I do now. I think a lot of it had to do with always having something.

When I quit my first job my dad paid my bills until I found a job. When I stopped working again to start college, I had something going for me. I just always had something going for me, or people to help me. I mean I never relied on God, just people, for all of my life. That was how I worked. Now that I have no job, not in the place I want to be at 24 years old, living situation not so good, I mean wayyyyy worse I feel then before. But I am saying God is good, because now I see where I lacked before. Relying on God is the only way to go for me. When I relied on people it worked for a little while but not forever. God is forever. And since I have been relying on Him, esp in the last year or so, things have been awesome. I mean some people may look at my situation and think damn I feel bad for her, but I say don't feel bad for me. Because of this situation I am in right now, if it wasn't for it, I would still be moving and on the go depending on people. I am extremely blessed to have come to this realization now rather than later. I prayed to be closer to Him, and now I am.

Now although I do rely on God, I still get a little bit in a funk about a lot of things. I really want to write posts and make videos, but some days I really can't because I am not completely there yet in my life to be all happy go lucky. Am I having a pitty party? YES!! Am I a little upset about somethings? Absolutely!! I just don't want to make a video that is forced. Or write a post that isn't how I feel. I tried that for a while and didn't help me at all. I just need to now work on somethings before I can be that extremely gitty person from before. I promise to come back better than ever. Just pray for me. Thank you for reading.

With Love,
Pynkstarr

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