Okay yes! I know this already, but how can I do that is the question? I have been feeling like I need to help someone or people for years now but I never pursued that feeling. I never considered this urge to be from God necessarily meaning ministry or testimonial, but being able to help in anyway I could. Now I am stuck with the question of how.
God is good. I just would like to say that because without Him I would not have all the love that I have. With that being said, I have been lacking inspiration and energy. There could be a number of reasons for this. I am soo used to having the money, funds to just go out and buy essentials of life. Now that I have no money coming in what so ever, I find it very hard to, I guess you can say function. Some days are great days, some days are like I won't get out of bed for hours. A few years ago when I was about 16 and 17, I wasn't in HS anymore because I had to drop out, my dad had lost hos job. We had not many things. I mean times were bad then, but I wasn't in the place then that I am now. I have more trust in God now then I did when I was younger.
I never really was the religious person that most of my friends were. I went to Catholic school all of my life and was basically told by many teachers and students that God didn't know who I was because I had no religion. And that when I died I would go to some place called the Limbo. No matter what I did who cared because God was not watching me anyway. So for years I lived my life this way. Then in 2007-2008 I met these girls who went to church every Sunday, then were not religious but they would talk about God all the time. I just stayed away from that topic because it just wasn't who I was back then. So one day I said hey I want to go to church on New Year's with you guys. And I must say that the Pastor was speaking to me. I had never even met him, but it was like God heard me some how and told him to speak to me. Since then my life has been a roller coaster. I no longer go to that church, no longer friends with those girls, I was able to get jobs and graduate from college. Happy one min and then not happy. A lot has happened to me since then, but never felt as low as I do now. I think a lot of it had to do with always having something.
When I quit my first job my dad paid my bills until I found a job. When I stopped working again to start college, I had something going for me. I just always had something going for me, or people to help me. I mean I never relied on God, just people, for all of my life. That was how I worked. Now that I have no job, not in the place I want to be at 24 years old, living situation not so good, I mean wayyyyy worse I feel then before. But I am saying God is good, because now I see where I lacked before. Relying on God is the only way to go for me. When I relied on people it worked for a little while but not forever. God is forever. And since I have been relying on Him, esp in the last year or so, things have been awesome. I mean some people may look at my situation and think damn I feel bad for her, but I say don't feel bad for me. Because of this situation I am in right now, if it wasn't for it, I would still be moving and on the go depending on people. I am extremely blessed to have come to this realization now rather than later. I prayed to be closer to Him, and now I am.
Now although I do rely on God, I still get a little bit in a funk about a lot of things. I really want to write posts and make videos, but some days I really can't because I am not completely there yet in my life to be all happy go lucky. Am I having a pitty party? YES!! Am I a little upset about somethings? Absolutely!! I just don't want to make a video that is forced. Or write a post that isn't how I feel. I tried that for a while and didn't help me at all. I just need to now work on somethings before I can be that extremely gitty person from before. I promise to come back better than ever. Just pray for me. Thank you for reading.
Today is like the craziest day ever. I wanted to make a video, but I just can't bare myself to talk about this situation without breaking down and crying. God has blessed me and you all with the voice of Whitney Houston. There is no one out there like her. And there never ever will be. I had been hoping and praying that this wasn't true, and to see that it is, it's just heart breaking because I just have always had a special connection with her and her family. She is from the same area I was born and raised in, Newark and East Orange, NJ. I never got a chance to meet her but I always said I would someday because my father and family always tell me stories about her and her family living near by. I just can't believe she is gone. It just is one of those times in your life where you feel connected to something so strongly about someone you don't know. I hate this has happened and all the speculations that surround it so far. I think people should just be praying at this moment, not only prayer for her but her family. Just hug your closest family member and tell them that you love them because you never know what day is your last. I am thankful to God to have had the experience that most of you have with her through her music and movies. My fave being "The Preacher's Wife". I have no idea why I love this movie, but I have seen it a milion times. I think it is the message about time and family. I will remember her for the rest of my life as the greatest female singer of all time. I am not sure why things like this happen to great people with wonderful souls but we can't always have the answers. Keep her family in your prayers you guys. If you go to church, then tomorrow pray. Even if you don't pray regularly, just pray right now. Thank you for reading. I'll miss you Whitney. And I love you.
Well it's really going to be some crazy ni&*%ific crap going on this season. I feel like this may be one season I don't watch. Not a fan of anyone but Royce and Tami. We shall see I guess right.
And Jenn totally gets her ass kicked on national TV. I hope Shaunie is happy to have created this show.