It's a snow day!!!

So yea it's snowing.....again. Which means no class. And nothing to do. LOL. Due to my lack of data, my plan to catch up on new shows is a no go. There are just so many that I enjoy like LAHHNY, Being Mary Jane, Single Ladies....not to mention my fave YT shows such as Roomieloverfriends, That Guy, Brothers with no Game. I mean the list goes on of all the shows I like. Usually on snow days when I have class, I just do work for school to make up for the day off. But today like the last few weeks I have been so unfocused. I haven't been able to concentrate since the beginning of the year for may reasons. This is my pattern in most things in my life. I go through stages....First stage I am sooooo excited for all the possibilities that can happen, this can pertain to jobs, school, life, etc. Second stage my momentum starts to go down, this is usually after doing something for a few weeks. Yes after a few weeks of doing anything I just lose interest. I have no idea why this happens but it's been happening since I was a kid. Third stage is usually the final stage, depending on how long I decide to stick it out. But in this stage I become completely unmotivated with everything. I get so depressed and sad about everything. Then I usually quit. LOL!! Sounds bad?? Well it is horrible. Especially when you don't have $$. But in my 3rd stage I don't think about the consequences completely through as most people will do. I am the kinda person where if it's not working for me I leave. That goes for everything in my life including friendships.

This can't be normal. I mean it's my normal, but it's not normal for anyones life. At 26, you have to learn to stick with things to go through the process. I learned that today! I thought I had everything together by now but I honestly don't. AT ALL! NOT even close! I'm realizing that this is okay. You don't have to be perfect all the time, you don't have to have all the answers all the time, And it's okay if you don't know something. SO my lesson for 2014 is to be more focused on the process, but know that it is a process. Nothing will just happen for for me. I am very thankful for my family and my friends. And very grateful to be in school. Like I've said before I am a book worm, nerd, geek what ever you want to call it. And the computer program course I am taking is still amazing. I just have to not give up this time. Find the motivation from some where and become more focused.

I am definitely going to live my life through God like I have doing for the past few years. And continue on my spiritual journey because I believe that's another reason I have become unfocused. Because I haven't been communicate with God as much as I was before starting school. Which is crazy because it's because of God that I am in school. So I am going to just start trusting the process and do one thing at a time. That's another reason I haven't been focusing on school because I have been trying to focus on 100 other things as well. One thing at a time for me.

I hope you guys enjoyed this post. I am very sorry for not posting regularly, but if you read the above post then you understand why not lol.

Thanks again,
Pynkstarr

Blogtober Day 7--Im almost 30...

God has an amazing way of telling me things. As most of you know I've been without any employment for 3 years now. I've applied to hundreds of jobs and only one interview. At least 4 times I missed a call/email for a potential job because of lack of phone service and internet service.
I still apply to jobs here and there but probably not as much as most people who are unemployed. Here is the reason. I can't settle. I know you are probably like well anything is better than nothing right? Although true for most, but from past experiences this is not the case for me. I've been hospitalized because of medical things that happened to me because I had that mentality. I hated my job so much because I began settling that it began to make me sick. Very sick. Depressed, ill, migraines, anxiety attacks... you name it. But I was making money, which is better than being broke right? Gotta pay those bills...gotta buy those clothes, gotta keep up with the joneses right? And because of these things I've always felt like i made a mistake. Although nothing is truly a mistake with my life. I've made choices I regret, but they were never mistakes.

Since I was younger I knew I was supposed to start my own business. I've always known this. But some how along the way it's like I forgot. And when I did remember i made an excuse as to why I couldn't do this or that. Meanwhile I was getting older and began to feel like I haven't accomplished much like most people my age. I don't have a driver's license, no car, never owned anything major like property, don't have my BA yet which delays my MA which delays my Phd...plus I'm almost 30.

I've been trying since 2010 to start a business....notice I say a business because I've tried many things and when the slightest setback occurs I'd give up. Between not having money to survive, and other life issues I put that dream a way. And now 3 years later I've picked it up again. All of them. Why not right? I regret giving up so easy but now im back to work. After reading #xonecole of necolebitchie.com she inspired me even more that (a) God was listening when I told him I was too old to start a business (b) everything comes in do timing, we just have to be patient.

You're never too old to do your thang!! Please remember this!

Thanks for reading,
Pynkstarr

My Vision board plus pics

I have been working on this vision board for about 2 years now. It started out small but now has grown to be this humongous. This is fine with me except for the fact it is taking a lot more time to finish than I thought. I guess it's a process. And of course I am enjoying the cutting out of magazines part of it. 

This board does not represent the year that I am in but it represents the state of mind I am in. Goals I want to accomplish someday. I say someday because I have learned that for me it's best to just say if I complete something this year then awesome, but if I don't then o well there is always next. Some may say that crazy to not set deadlines, but I say who cares. I have to live my life for me. I spent a lot of my life living under the pressure to complete something by a certain time and if I didn't then I beat myself up pretty hard about it. Spending days feeling badly about something is a lot worse than not completing a goal. I am going to completely absolutely everything on this board in God's timing. And when I do it will be time to move on to the next vision board. 

Most on the things on my board represent people I admire a lot, relationships I aspire to have, jobs I'd like to do, my faith in God and so many other things. People who are doing what I love to do like write and blogging are such inspirations to me. I'd like to be where they are and better. Having a beautiful relationship someday would also be absolutely awesome. I look at my board everyday. Sometimes I add things, sometimes I subtract things, sometimes I'll remove a picture one day then put it back up the next. It all depends on the way the wind blows that day. 

I hop this blog post inspires you to make a vision board, or a vision book like fellow blogger msstyleandgrace.com.

Thanks for reading

Pynkstarr<3 comment-3--="" nbsp="">

My Fashionable Life Experience Part 3: College

My first day of college was like the craziest most nerve racking day of my life. I was scared because I didn't want to fail. I had messed up so many times in my life I didn't want to mess up again. My first few semesters went great. I was going along with the motions of college life. It was a struggle at times but my dad and I did the best we could as far as money went. The only thing was that I couldn't take many fashion related courses because of campus issues. The college I attended as about 8 campuses but only certain ones have fashion courses. That made it very hard to choose the right courses at times. By the time summer semester came I was excited to start taking courses in NYC. Until they told me I couldn't get certain FA help for summer classes. I was so upset. I was going to quit school. I said this is it. God doesn't really want me to do this. Then someone gave an idea of going to school part-time. I just couldn't attend the NYC campus. It didn't matter as long as I didn't have to drop out. By the time Oct rolled around I began to focus a lot on what exactly in the fashion industry I wanted to do. Do I want to be a Buyer, a Merchandiser, a Designer ,  or production. I still wasn't sure. So I did something I thought I'd never do again. Went back to Retail/Sales

Pynkstarr

My Fashionable Life Experience: Part 2 My 1st Retail Experience

I was just so excited when thievery popular lingerie store called me for an interview. It was like the stars had aligned mysteriously. I had my interview and things seemed to be going great. I had always wanted to work at a clothing store for some strange reason. I think it was the discount. Well that love turned to hatred with in a few mths.

Personal Reflection: Being content with my life

5 Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]

Want to Grow Spiritually? Spend Time In the Word! Here's How I Do It

This video is awesome. I love watching her videos because she is always so true to who she is. Some people are afraid to blog about God, let alone talk about him on a video. It is a personal thing to be spiritual and to have a belief. This video is so true to me. And how I have been on my journey with God. It's just amazing feeling.

Pynkstarr

How keep my faith!

I want to help people. 

Okay yes!  I know this already, but how can I do that is the question? I have been feeling like I need to help someone or people for years now but I never pursued that feeling. I never considered this urge to be from God necessarily meaning ministry or testimonial, but being able to help in anyway I could. Now I am stuck with the question of how.

My old mindset

This blog post should become titled as “personal diary entry #1”, because it’s definitely a look into my life at the moment. I consider myself to be pretty open with my readers and watchers, but there are some things I kind of feel are wayyy too embarrassing to express to people. I have always had the fear of being judged or made fun of for whatever reason. Call me self-conscious. I just enjoy being loved and being respected 24/7. I know that isn’t reality, but in my mind the world is made of pink bunnies and teddy bear hugs all the time. When you begin to grow up into adult hood this reality or dream disappears. So I try to hold on to it as much as possible by not doing certain things in public view, say YT. 

For the longest time I could not for the life of me possibly think why would I have found the interest to make videos on YT or make a blog in the first place. Let me back up to around 2007, when someone told me I could watch videos for free on YT. I said get out of here, free is my middle name. Well they did have some old TV shows and movies here and there but it wasn’t quite my cup of tea. I mostly would use Yahoo Music! to watch music videos or would just be so out of touch I’d forget about it all together. By 2009, I was unemployed and a fashion student that needed a video to use in a power point for school. 

This is when I found very famous fashion/beauty guru. She was listed in my “suggestion box”, which was weird because I had no idea how she got there. So I clicked and watched her vids and the next thing you know I had spent a whole day watching her. After that, I began watching so many other “gurus” that it became kind of obsessive. I learned so much in such a short amount of time. I began hitting that sub button so much that it was to like 400 subscriptions. That’s a lot I know. Here is where things go bad. I began to beat myself up after a while because I wasn’t like them. I mean they had the nice apartments, all the great collections, hauls galore, and lots of money. To me they were so important. I wanted to be them and had to be them and fast. I began thinking why don’t I have that kind of money. Maybe I should join the army or maybe sell my stuff to get more stuff to be just like them. 

Then I learned how much they got paid just to sit in front of a camera. I said wow; I am in the wrong business. The hauls made me sad but happy all at once. Then after I started writing to them some wouldn’t write back, making me feel bad. Was I not good enough? Is it because of this or that? A lot of things started running through my head. By the end of 2009, I had begun making my own videos on YT for my own personal selfish reasons. TO MAKE $!! That’s it. That was the only reason. I saw the life that these people lived and to me it was so glamorous and it had led so many to so many glamorous opportunities. I also started writing my blog in Sept 2009. Things for both were extremely slow. And I was making videos, which I thought others wanted to see. Hauls, outfit of the days, all that good stuff. I posted blogs that I thought would get me the hits. When I didn’t get any subbies, and no followers, it was a serious blow to my ego. Esp. when you put all the time and effort into editing vids and capturing pics to write on your blog. I felt like a failure. Then as time went on I began to realize it was my entire fault. 

Number 1) I never promoted my stuff. YouTube and blogging were never my first priorities. All I wanted was the money. I wanted the fame and lights. Oh yea can’t forget about the free products. 

Number 2) My hopes were in the wrong place. Like I said money was always the main things on my mind. 

Number 3) I never updated regularly. I had had no really good excuse to not upload vids, except for during the week of finals at the time or work. I just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get the views or the hits. So I gave up completely. 

Then I just started posting things that I wanted to. And it just began to not matter to me anymore. If people watched or read, cool, if not then oh well. Next thing I know the blog started getting so pretty okay views. I mean nothing to brag about, but okay views. I felt like if blogging was what I wanted to do then hey I will continue to do it. It was exciting hearing people say they liked my blog. Then in June 2011 I lost my internet and that was all she wrote. After that my dog died. Then my aunt (who is still in a comatose state) got sick with brain tumors. I was able to find a connection way up high in my house to still post blogs. When I got up the “umph” to post things, in which I was up to about 1200 views a month, I no longer could afford my domain name. This made it hard for some folks to find me. Then I just gave up completely. (I’ll make another post on my recent depression some other time.) 

So where am I now with all this? Well for one, I no longer feel obligated to fulfill the need of fitting in with the Joneses or “gurus/bloggers”. Also, as of Jan2011 I began my journey to find God; meaning to become more spiritual and closer to Him. Living through the Word of the Lord. And this year I started reading and actually understanding the bible way more now than ever. Two lessons I have learned and that is that when you seek “riches” instead of Christ, it just never ends up well. And secondly, I have to do His plan and not mine; meaning His will His way. That is just how it is. And until a lot of us understand that we will always be soooooo frustrated with life instead of living the happy and peaceful life that God wants us to. 

So all those times of frustrations and wanting what other people had, I didn’t understand what they did to get where they were. Nor do I know if that is/was my destiny to be that person. Although I still gripe about certain things like views or followers, I am slowly learning that some things just are not meant to be. And that I am NOT always being punished, which is my answer to everything.  God is such a mighty God and I can never give Him too much love. So I will continue to post things when I have a connection. Nothing will change in that. Only thing that will change is my mindset and the reasons I post things or make videos in the first place. There is no behind the scenes motives any more but just me at my purest of hearts.   I am very glad to have gotten all of this off of chest. Thanks for reading guys!

Pynkstarr

New Site: pynkstarr.blogspot.com

Where have you been?

O dear. I did it again didn't I. I  love my readers so much but sometimes things just get so outta hand that you want to just not do anything. And I tried not to get to that point. When ever I feel a little bit, I guess you can say "lazy" or procrastinate I tend to just not be motivated. Nothing to do with you. But if I feel down for whatever reason then videos are not going to happen and neither are posts. I think that is why I tried to make a plan. A goal of how often I blog  a week or make a video. I thought that this would help me out a lot. Yea it didn't. Like not at all. I am just not motivated to do much of anything lately. I think it's the weather or the holiday season. I mean I also have some other personal stuff going on as well that is really starting to get to me. And I am letting it bring me down and suck out my energy. It is pretty hard for me to make a happy post when I am unhappy. I think that they only thing that will bring out of this funk is to fact that I know I am helping someone or someone reads my posts or watches my vids. I will get my ish together and believe me before you know it, I'll make posts that will make you tired of seeing me. LOL.
So I love ya'll and stick around.  

With Love,
Pynkstarr

Im still Alive!!!

Wow is all I can say. I never brag about rain or snow because they can cause such horrific damage. But all I can do is be as thankful to God that it didn't hit our house as bad as some other houses. Our basement did began to flood but my dad had some vacuum thingy that was able to suck up the water right away. Lights went out twice for about an 1/2 hr or so each time. But like I said I can not complain. It could have been soooo much worse than it was. Then the wind was like whipping like crazy. I was scared and just prayed that nothing flew through my windows or a tree falling. I believe it is over for now. For how long I am not sure. Pray for me ya'll.

Summer Wish List: books

For those who may not know, I am a book fanatic. I just love to read. Anything. Well not anything. But for the most part mostly Nonfiction stuff or mostly African American authors. As of recently I have gotten into some spiritual reading as well. Below is my list of books I really would love to have to read for the summer.


Peace from Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant
Platinum by Aliya King
The Confident Woman Devotional by Joyce Meyer
New Day, New You by Joyce Meyer
Starting you day right by Joyce Meyer

If you have read any of these books, leave a comment and let me know what you thought about it.
Thank you all for reading.
Pynkstarr

My letter. .

Hello out there in internet land :)

I was sitting here and watching Celeb Rehab 4 thinking to myself how thankful I am for God. To just be there for me when I didn't even ask, or feel like He was there. I have often doubted Him for many reasons. Mostly being impatient when things were going bad, or getting worse. Often asking why me. There have been times where I felt as though God was punishing me for bad things I have done in my past to hurt people or even hurt myself. Watching different people, whether on TV or in real life, it just makes me so thankful to have God in my life. After watching this episode and thinking I could be anywhere right now and I am not, I am here in this house, in this body. Who is doing this for me, who has me in this space of my life where I know him. And it just made want to write a letter. Write God a letter of not only appreciation but of gratitude. I can only thank Him every moment of the day to show Him how I wouldn't be me without Him. Having faith and believing has kept me out of bad situations. If I ever had to write a letter it would be to Him.
Who would your letter be to?

Thank you for reading!
Pynkstarr
Forever blessed never stressed

Happy Thanksgiving.

Gray dress from Dots-$18

Happy Thanksgiving to you all and your family.

Please be safe and remember your blessings.

Always keep God first.

Pynkstarr

Goood Morning-Courses

Hello lovely people

I am on my way out this morning but really needed to express this feeling I am having. Recently I have been going through a lot of different emotions regarding my life-things like my job, money, and the usual stresses of life. I used to always have faith that if you prayed for something it should happen like right then and there. For instance, when I wrote it down, made it happen with my new job. I kept feeling like why would God put me in a position knowing I can't handle it, knowing I asked for happiness. Through all these things I had lost my faith, as discussed in a previous post, instead of gaining a stronger one. I basically reverted back to the person I used to be, not the person I want to be.

Now is the time to become the person who you know you can be. Besides the fact that I am here on earth for something, I shouldn't have gave up so easily. I didn't realize till now that I am on a course, I almost quit that course. Because it was too "hard" I wanted it to end and be over. I was sick because of it everyday. Thinking over and over bad things. Nothing was right. I couldn't get it right. But, I am on a course. Just like many of you are on courses. I am being prepared right now for something greater that I want in life, which is to be a Fashion Merchandiser. At the moment I am just not ready to do that yet. I realized this now.

I let my want for tangible things stop me from moving on and along.

And since this week is thanksgiving and I want to share with you all a verse from 1 Timothy 4:1-6

"Now the Spirit speaketh expressly that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth. For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving: For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer. If thou put the brethren in remembrance of these things, thou shalt be a good minister in Jesus Christ, nourished up in the words of faith and good doctrine, whereunto thou hast."

Hopefully this scripture can help someone through something they are going through. As long as you follow the courses, it will prepare you for what you are destined to be.

Thank you for reading,

XO, Pynkstarr :)

Losing my Faith

Hi ya'll

Yes I am back with yet another post about faith. I feel as though, YT and my blog are the only two places outside from friends and family that I can actually vent and express how i feel.

Lately, I have had this string feeling that something just is not right. You know that feeling you get in your tummy when it tells you to take another route home or not to eat in a restaurant, well it's that kind of feeling but stronger for me. When I wake up daily, I always ask God what is it that I am meant to do with my life. I have always had the fear to end up with out having a plan for my life and being without anything. Anything meaning materialistic stuff. But also food, shelter, water, etc. As I get older I have began to have more and more faith that God will see me through anything. He knows the plan that I am going to take, He knows what I will do in my life. He knows.

The thing is I don't know.

A few months ago I had to leave a job because of medical and other reasons as well. I hated going there so much that I took a pay cut and reduced my hours to weekends only so I wouldn't have to go. It was making me so sick to go there, I had migraines daily and upset stomach. After I resigned, I kept doing a few days at this showroom in NYC, which I love so much. But they were unable to keep me, and since I was graduating I needed to find that FT job I was praying for. I had faith that even though I had to quit my job, God would see me through.

That's when I found the place I am at now. This place was my dream Pay and other luxuries. But it is not my dream job. I assumed, maybe I have to pay dues before I can make it big in my life. And I figured if I was meant to be here, I was meant to stay no mater what. Then things started turning into what I had gone through before in previous jobs. Anxiety attacks from the stress and being too overwhelmed, nausea, now it's dizziness.

People say why don't you leave, you don't deserve to let a job kill your body at such a young age. Then of course you have the "if it were me" friend telling you to quit. My body is even telling me to leave. So why haven't I just left.

I think it's because I had lost my faith. I say I have faith all the time, but at that moment when I got this job it went out the window. Because the first thing the popped in my mind was "you better take it, even though something was telling me not to, because this is it". If I had kept the faith, I would have known that it would've been okay to say no. It would've been okay because He would've just sent me something else.

For me to have lost faith is just absurd. All the things I have gone through and came out of, for me to lose faith and give up is just crazy.

Just please if you don't do anything else, never lose your faith. Hold on to it forever. He will always steer you in the correct path. If something tells you that it isn't right, then its not. Really listen to that feeling because it is Always right.

~Pynkstarr~

Forever blessed, never stressed

✝Transitioning your life for God or others?✝

Hey Ladies,

Hope you all are having a fabulous safe weekend.

This week has been so hectic to the point where my whole life plan is in question. What am I really supposed to be doing right now in my life? That is the question I have been asking myself since I graduated college. Should I go on to pursue more endeavors or should I stay in school. Maybe get that perfect straight out of college F.T. job.

This wasn't my case. I had prayed for a place that was all of these qualities:

Had to have nice hours (9-5 ish)

Had to respect me as a person

Great benefits

Appreciative of my hard work

Good pay

Can't be sales/retail

Small family business

And most importantly; Location can't be too far.

I found all of these things in the place I am at now, or so I thought. I remember a manager once told me never let someone stop your money. Meaning no matter how hard a job is, stick with it. I think a lot of people don't understand what you go through until you are in the position. It's easy to tell some one to stay in a relationship that they are unhappy in. Or that friend that always say's "well if it were me" to everything, knowing dern well if it were them they'd do the same thing you are and feel the same way. My frustration isn't with the people, it's not really with anyone. My issue is what is it in my life that I need to change in order to be that successful person I know that I am destined to be.

If you have that kind of connection with God, then you can feel when you are doing the right thing and when you are doing the wrong thing. And something about hearing from this job said it was wrong. Then there was another part of me that said this was what you have prayed for, God has done this for you.

As blessed as I am for the support I have received from so many people, I have decided to make a new plan. And just like my hair, I'm taking a step to also transition my life. Because at the end of the day although I have this wonderful plan for my life, God is the one that is the main driver of the plan. I may think I'm in control of this, but He is the one that is really in control. Life is of course what you make it, but He holds the power in the end.

My new list is still the same except I added team work and family oriented to the list.

I hope that everyone who is having issues like this one, they take a moment to think about God, and what it is He is telling you to do. He is speaking to you, you just have to really listen.

~Pynkstarr~

Forever Blessed, never Stressed

Where my inspiration comes from?. . .

Hey Ladies!!

These last few months have been super crazy. With traveling back in forth for my internship to really hating my job and eventually quitting. Not knowing where the heck money was gonna come from. It's been just really hard. But I have always kept my faith. God has taking me a lot of places; although I know there is more to come. I was fortunate enough to watch a YTer named SugarFreeTV who made a video about writing it down making it happen. She read it in a book somewhere. Anyway, she had been going through a lot as well. And she talked about her faith and how important it is to have in order for this to work. So I had just quit around this time and was only doing my non-paid internship at the time.

I wrote in my goal book, which I've kept since I was 16, what I wanted in a life. What I wanted in a job. I wrote down all things I'd like for my next job. I did that like July. I'm thinking to myself, I'm graduating and I'm gonna be unemployed. But then I had to take those what ifs out of my life and put in when this or that happens. I've had faith in God for a few years now. That is a long story I'll talk about another time.

So fast forward to Sept. I began to worry like wow I have this faith in God and nothing is happening for me. So then I realized what I was doing was asking all the wrong things.

I began to loose sight of the fact that He is the only who is in control of my destiny and when He was ready for those things to happen for me they would.

So I kept my faith and put my trust in God.

Although Sugarfreetv made the video, God was who I had my faith in. But I am very thankful that God sent me a message in that way. And I thank Him for this wonderful job opp He has given to me.

~

Pynkstarr

~

Forever Blessed and never stressed

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