Hi, guys long time no chat. I would like to
start off my apologizing for not being as consistent as I should be. Instead
just saying an excuse of why cannot blog I'll just apologize. Since being in
school these last few months I've noticed my life beginning to change. For
every great thing, there has been a not so great thing. I believe in speaking
things into existence, both positive and negative. Most of my life I've been in
and out of becoming one with my real true self. And since being in school I've
lost myself again. Not being happy, being angry, extreme negative thinking.
This has stopped for a long time. Like I was doing well by doing many exercises
such as praying more, I tried doing more activities that make me feel like my
creative juices are flowing. I used to paint, design clothes, sketch, I
absolutely have always loved cutting things out of magazines and pasting them.
It is so refreshing doing the layouts of things. Making vision boards has
always been fun to do as well.
Anyhow I digress. These are things that made me
happy for a very long time, but now I have just been so distant with my
spiritual journey that I almost feel lost. Like years ago if you had asked me
what I wanted out of life, I could tell you. But now since I have become closer
to my God I don't have that anymore. It's almost like I have lost my
motivation. I've been so negative these last few mths it is crazy. I've even
stopped writing in my spiritual journal. There is always an excuse of being too
busy or tired. But my journaling was the only thing I had for many years. It
kept the negative things out of my head and on paper. Instead of lingering
around in there for days and days, I expelled them on paper. This brought me
peace of mind. My spirit was relaxed and not so antsy to escape all the time. I
still listen to her of course but not as much as I should. This usually comes
from people. People who don't get me. The real me. Not the person they talk to
in class or the person who makes videos. But the me inside who has goals and
hopes and dreams. I can't sit and explain to people why I am this way because
they would never ever understand. To most people they probably see me as an
unmotivated, daddy's girl who never had to work hard for anything. Doesn't want
to work. Lazy blah blah blah. Or maybe not. IDK. I just always get the strange
look when I say I don't want to work.
Let me explain this. When I say I don't want to
work, I am not saying I don't want a career. I'm saying I don't want to work.
That I don't need to work. Then people do the well how is she living? Who takes
care of you? I take care of me, in the human/flesh sense anyway. Of all the
jobs I've had in my life, maybe one wasn't work. I wouldn't even call it a job
because I loved it. I was brought there by the universe. I was told by God, my
spirit to do this "job “and everything will be okay. And everything was.
So when I say I don't want a job or want to work I am not saying I don't want a
career. Yes I want a career. A career in the field that I so passionately love.
A place that allows me the freedom to be my true creative self. Not a place
where I have to drag myself to daily because everyone I know has a job that
they love and they get to go shopping daily. No. That was who I was years ago.
I did what I had to do because I didn't believe I could do better than that. I
settled a lot when it came to so many things: jobs, men, women, family etc. I
just took what was given to me like whatever. Instead of when things didn't
feel right, or my spirit told me it wasn't right, and God told me to hold on. I
was like no I'm going to do me. That led me down a wrong path of back-to-back
mistakes. Becoming friends with people who had not right being in my life.
Taking jobs I knew I'd hate just for money. And recently letting someone get
under my skin to the point where I let my anger get the best of me.
I am learning to think positive thoughts. I am
only 26 years old and I feel like I have always put so much stress on myself
for no real reason. I envision negative things before they even happen. I
stress myself out like to the max, then when it happens I'm sad. Well when
manifest bad things, they happen! Plain and simple. So Again I am turning over
a new leaf
The whole point of this blog is that I am starting a new journey in life. That's the best thing about life is that we start it over whenever we want to. So today I am starting over. Here's how I plan to do so:
-No negative thinking
-Speak only positivity into the world
-Begin meditating again
-Keep only positive people in my life.
-Read more
-Paint more
-Draw/Sketch more
-Keep my creative juices flowing
Just so many other things.
I hope that you join me in continue to grow through life with me. It's going to be fun reading feedback. I will blog more because I am going to make a schedule. This way I can stick to something concrete. But sometimes things just need to be said, and that is just not daily :)
Thanks so much for the support :)
Pynkstarr
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