Keeping the faith

Keeping your faith can hard at times. So I wrote a blog to help in anyway I can.

Read it here.
Thank you so much for reading

With Love,

Pynkstarr

How keep my faith!

I want to help people. 

Okay yes!  I know this already, but how can I do that is the question? I have been feeling like I need to help someone or people for years now but I never pursued that feeling. I never considered this urge to be from God necessarily meaning ministry or testimonial, but being able to help in anyway I could. Now I am stuck with the question of how.

I rely on God and no one else.

God is good. I just would like to say that because without Him I would not have all the love that I have. With that being said, I have been lacking inspiration and energy. There could be a number of reasons for this. I am soo used to having the money, funds to just go out and buy essentials of life. Now that I have no money coming in what so ever, I find it very hard to, I guess you can say function. Some days are great days, some days are like I won't get out of bed for hours. A few years ago when I was about 16 and 17, I wasn't in HS anymore because I had to drop out, my dad had lost hos job. We had not many things. I mean times were bad then, but I wasn't in the place then that I am now. I have more trust in God now then I did when I was younger.

I never really was the religious person that most of my friends were. I went to Catholic school all of my life and was basically told by many teachers and students that God didn't know who I  was because I had no religion. And that when I died I would go to some place called the Limbo. No matter what I did who cared because God was not watching me anyway. So for years I lived my life this way. Then in 2007-2008 I met these girls who went to church every Sunday, then were not religious but they would talk about God all the time. I just stayed away from that topic because it just wasn't who I was back then. So one day I said hey I want to go to church on New Year's with you guys. And I must say that the Pastor was speaking to me. I had never even met him, but it was like God heard me some how and told him to speak to me. Since then my life has been a roller coaster. I no longer go to that church, no longer friends with those girls, I was able to get jobs and graduate from college. Happy one min and then not happy. A lot has happened to me since then, but never felt as low as I do now. I think a lot of it had to do with always having something.

When I quit my first job my dad paid my bills until I found a job. When I stopped working again to start college, I had something going for me. I just always had something going for me, or people to help me. I mean I never relied on God, just people, for all of my life. That was how I worked. Now that I have no job, not in the place I want to be at 24 years old, living situation not so good, I mean wayyyyy worse I feel then before. But I am saying God is good, because now I see where I lacked before. Relying on God is the only way to go for me. When I relied on people it worked for a little while but not forever. God is forever. And since I have been relying on Him, esp in the last year or so, things have been awesome. I mean some people may look at my situation and think damn I feel bad for her, but I say don't feel bad for me. Because of this situation I am in right now, if it wasn't for it, I would still be moving and on the go depending on people. I am extremely blessed to have come to this realization now rather than later. I prayed to be closer to Him, and now I am.

Now although I do rely on God, I still get a little bit in a funk about a lot of things. I really want to write posts and make videos, but some days I really can't because I am not completely there yet in my life to be all happy go lucky. Am I having a pitty party? YES!! Am I a little upset about somethings? Absolutely!! I just don't want to make a video that is forced. Or write a post that isn't how I feel. I tried that for a while and didn't help me at all. I just need to now work on somethings before I can be that extremely gitty person from before. I promise to come back better than ever. Just pray for me. Thank you for reading.

With Love,

Pynkstarr

RIP to Whitney Houston

Today is like the craziest day ever. I wanted to make a video, but I just can't bare myself to talk about this situation without breaking down and crying. God has blessed me and you all with the voice of Whitney Houston. There is no one out there like her. And there never ever will be. I had been hoping and praying that this wasn't true, and to see that it is, it's just heart breaking because I just have always had a special connection with her and her family. She is from the same area I was born and raised in, Newark and East Orange, NJ. I never got a chance to meet her but I always said I would someday because my father and family always tell me stories about her and her family living near by. I just can't believe she is gone. It just is one of those times in your life where you feel connected to something so strongly about someone you don't know. I hate this has happened and all the speculations that surround it so far. I think people should just be praying at this moment, not only prayer for her but her family. Just hug your closest family member and tell them that you love them because you never know what day is your last. I am thankful to God to have had the experience that most of you have with her through her music and movies. My fave being "The Preacher's Wife". I have no idea why I love this movie, but I have seen it a milion times. I think it is the message about time and family. I will remember her for the rest of my life as the greatest female singer of all time. I am not sure why things like this happen to great people with wonderful souls but we can't always have the answers. Keep her family in your prayers you guys. If you go to church, then tomorrow pray. Even if you don't pray regularly, just pray right now. Thank you for reading. I'll miss you Whitney. And I love you.

With Love,
Pynkstarr

BBwives Season 4

Get More: Basketball Wives (Season 4)

Well it's really going to be some crazy ni&*%ific crap going on this season. I feel like this may be one season I don't watch. Not a fan of anyone but Royce and Tami. We shall see I guess right.
And Jenn totally gets her ass kicked on national TV. I hope Shaunie is happy to have created this show.

With Love,

Pynkstarr

Red vs Nude

To go red or to go nude? That really is the question that needs to be answered. One min the trend for lip shade is red, next thing you know the color is nude. But how can a girl choose. They say depending on the color you choose, it can be detrimental to your whole entire look. I say, if the trend doesn’t work for you, then don’t work IT. 

Happy Birthday to Tatyana Ali

Yesterday was Tatyana Ali's bday, and my connection would not let me upload a picture at all. But Happppy Birthday!!!

With Love,

Pynkstarr

My old mindset

This blog post should become titled as “personal diary entry #1”, because it’s definitely a look into my life at the moment. I consider myself to be pretty open with my readers and watchers, but there are some things I kind of feel are wayyy too embarrassing to express to people.

My old mindset

This blog post should become titled as “personal diary entry #1”, because it’s definitely a look into my life at the moment. I consider myself to be pretty open with my readers and watchers, but there are some things I kind of feel are wayyy too embarrassing to express to people. I have always had the fear of being judged or made fun of for whatever reason. Call me self-conscious. I just enjoy being loved and being respected 24/7. I know that isn’t reality, but in my mind the world is made of pink bunnies and teddy bear hugs all the time. When you begin to grow up into adult hood this reality or dream disappears. So I try to hold on to it as much as possible by not doing certain things in public view, say YT. 

For the longest time I could not for the life of me possibly think why would I have found the interest to make videos on YT or make a blog in the first place. Let me back up to around 2007, when someone told me I could watch videos for free on YT. I said get out of here, free is my middle name. Well they did have some old TV shows and movies here and there but it wasn’t quite my cup of tea. I mostly would use Yahoo Music! to watch music videos or would just be so out of touch I’d forget about it all together. By 2009, I was unemployed and a fashion student that needed a video to use in a power point for school. 

This is when I found very famous fashion/beauty guru. She was listed in my “suggestion box”, which was weird because I had no idea how she got there. So I clicked and watched her vids and the next thing you know I had spent a whole day watching her. After that, I began watching so many other “gurus” that it became kind of obsessive. I learned so much in such a short amount of time. I began hitting that sub button so much that it was to like 400 subscriptions. That’s a lot I know. Here is where things go bad. I began to beat myself up after a while because I wasn’t like them. I mean they had the nice apartments, all the great collections, hauls galore, and lots of money. To me they were so important. I wanted to be them and had to be them and fast. I began thinking why don’t I have that kind of money. Maybe I should join the army or maybe sell my stuff to get more stuff to be just like them. 

Then I learned how much they got paid just to sit in front of a camera. I said wow; I am in the wrong business. The hauls made me sad but happy all at once. Then after I started writing to them some wouldn’t write back, making me feel bad. Was I not good enough? Is it because of this or that? A lot of things started running through my head. By the end of 2009, I had begun making my own videos on YT for my own personal selfish reasons. TO MAKE $!! That’s it. That was the only reason. I saw the life that these people lived and to me it was so glamorous and it had led so many to so many glamorous opportunities. I also started writing my blog in Sept 2009. Things for both were extremely slow. And I was making videos, which I thought others wanted to see. Hauls, outfit of the days, all that good stuff. I posted blogs that I thought would get me the hits. When I didn’t get any subbies, and no followers, it was a serious blow to my ego. Esp. when you put all the time and effort into editing vids and capturing pics to write on your blog. I felt like a failure. Then as time went on I began to realize it was my entire fault. 

Number 1) I never promoted my stuff. YouTube and blogging were never my first priorities. All I wanted was the money. I wanted the fame and lights. Oh yea can’t forget about the free products. 

Number 2) My hopes were in the wrong place. Like I said money was always the main things on my mind. 

Number 3) I never updated regularly. I had had no really good excuse to not upload vids, except for during the week of finals at the time or work. I just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get the views or the hits. So I gave up completely. 

Then I just started posting things that I wanted to. And it just began to not matter to me anymore. If people watched or read, cool, if not then oh well. Next thing I know the blog started getting so pretty okay views. I mean nothing to brag about, but okay views. I felt like if blogging was what I wanted to do then hey I will continue to do it. It was exciting hearing people say they liked my blog. Then in June 2011 I lost my internet and that was all she wrote. After that my dog died. Then my aunt (who is still in a comatose state) got sick with brain tumors. I was able to find a connection way up high in my house to still post blogs. When I got up the “umph” to post things, in which I was up to about 1200 views a month, I no longer could afford my domain name. This made it hard for some folks to find me. Then I just gave up completely. (I’ll make another post on my recent depression some other time.) 

So where am I now with all this? Well for one, I no longer feel obligated to fulfill the need of fitting in with the Joneses or “gurus/bloggers”. Also, as of Jan2011 I began my journey to find God; meaning to become more spiritual and closer to Him. Living through the Word of the Lord. And this year I started reading and actually understanding the bible way more now than ever. Two lessons I have learned and that is that when you seek “riches” instead of Christ, it just never ends up well. And secondly, I have to do His plan and not mine; meaning His will His way. That is just how it is. And until a lot of us understand that we will always be soooooo frustrated with life instead of living the happy and peaceful life that God wants us to. 

So all those times of frustrations and wanting what other people had, I didn’t understand what they did to get where they were. Nor do I know if that is/was my destiny to be that person. Although I still gripe about certain things like views or followers, I am slowly learning that some things just are not meant to be. And that I am NOT always being punished, which is my answer to everything.  God is such a mighty God and I can never give Him too much love. So I will continue to post things when I have a connection. Nothing will change in that. Only thing that will change is my mindset and the reasons I post things or make videos in the first place. There is no behind the scenes motives any more but just me at my purest of hearts.   I am very glad to have gotten all of this off of chest. Thanks for reading guys!

Pynkstarr