Friday, July 8, 2011

Personal: Slow connection/friend vs. associate

Hey all. I write to you all kinda bitter.
This is a long one after the jump

Not only can I not upload stuff on my blog but I am feeling little weird. Weird meaning just about a lot of different things have been happening to me personally and family wise that just has made me feel not necessarily alone but like out of the loop. Not being able to go out really anymore has gotten to me just a little bit. I guess you can say I am kinda down because people that I used to think were there for me really aren't there for me. To me, being there for me isn't inviting me to a party or hitting me up on FB. To me it is about listening, and actually being here for me. I am not alone. Of course I have God and my parents, but some times you want more than just parental advice. So then I start to think of why did I become "friends" with this person and that person in the. Next I go were they really my friends in the first place. UM not really. My dad always say's "my associate this and my associate that". I always go "um you mean your friend". He then goes "nope my associate". Then I go "but you talk to him when you see him or her". Which to me people you talk to and have known for years are friends right?? WRONG. I have always just called people my friend. Even if we hung out for a few times. Or if they called me their bff or whatever. I just go along with it like yea my bff. But when I really sit and think about it I technically can not really call anyone my friend except maybe 2 or 3 people. People I have known for years are really just associates. The kind of crazy thing is that this doesn't bother me. Like I said before I have God. And myself of course. I mean if you can't be your own friend then who are you really. Like the song goes by Beyonce, me myself and I. There is nothing wrong with not having a GF/BF or not having friends. But psychology does say there is something wrong with wanting to be alone. To me being alone or wanting to be alone isn't necessarily lonely. But there is also nothing wrong with wanting to have a little fun with people. Just watch who you call your friend. As long as I have self love to me for right now this is all I really need. Friendship is really important to me. And so is trust. If I can't trust that you will be here for me when I need you the most then we can't be friends. One way to tell if you have really good friends is next time they invite you some where and you say aww I can not go because my car isn't working or I don't have money to get in. If they say well see you next time, then they are not true friends in my opinion. Some may think otherwise, but I know that for me I have had people in my life who have said girl I got you. Those are the friend you can trust will be there when you need them the most. For right now I am at peace with this whole friendship/relationship thing. When a true friend comes along, I will def let my readers know. :)
Stay blessed

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